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May 7, 1995
Last Visit: 5 hours ago
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Listening to: You Spin Me Round (Like A Record) - Dead Or Alive
I've had a very hard time understanding the feelings I feel when I fence. I am an increasingly emotional a stressed person to the point that I uncontrollably burst into tears whenever I feel anything. Weather I be happy or sad, if I'm not crying then I'm totally faking it. So I guess it's pretty refreshing when I actually feel something, but at the same time the feeling of emotion can be so unpleasant that I've come to the point that I don't want to feel anymore. I've considered many times, quitting fencing entirely...but in doing so I feel as though I am throwing my life away. My life revolves around art and fencing...and anything that involves tinkering or sorting. So I guess I just have to deal with it, no mater how unpleasant and confusing it is for the people around me. Tears of joy are only really normal in movies and at weddings...not after someone tells a joke.